If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
