how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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