There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
