he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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