I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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