They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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