Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
When did angry sex become our thing?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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