Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
