Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
