I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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