You don't have asthma, your pregnant
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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