ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
my being single is dangerous.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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