I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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