As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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