I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
