don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
