This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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