Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
