I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
