I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
