he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
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