So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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