youre lurking in front of me
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
