Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
