HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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