Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
