so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
People in love make me want to vomit
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
