I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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