Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
