I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
