I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
