So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
