I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I came so hard my ears popped.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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