your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Where is the hickey?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize