You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize