She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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