Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
