whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
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