we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
