cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
