I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
