We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
