You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
