I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
