I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
