i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
