It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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