I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
As shirtless as possible
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Last time i carry you out of a forest
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
