The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize