I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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