Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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