i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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