my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
