i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
