I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
