On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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