Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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