I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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