I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
