I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
