I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
