Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
