im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
