omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
