Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Dicks are not precious.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
