i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
