Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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