so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
