God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
