the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Randomize
