I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
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