Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
