Please, let me fuck your mom
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
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