I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
