Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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