My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
