and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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