I bet he comes in French.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize