Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
