He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Randomize
