batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
There are leaves in my underwear?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
