The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
