i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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